I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
