I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
