Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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