well you can't waste a boner
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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