I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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