literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm at about main and main street
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize