omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
