"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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