Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
