i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
