We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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