Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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