I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
