guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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