why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
