Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
