Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
