hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
