Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize