Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Why are your pants in the freezer?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
