The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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