Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize