I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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