Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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