Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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