Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
