I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I can't put those talents on a resume
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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