im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
