This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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