I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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