please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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