TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
