Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
