the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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