so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
