I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
tell me about the eggs
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