i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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