So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
