She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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