I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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