Swine flu. Run for my life!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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