I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
