i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
