The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
