I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
