Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
