Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
