do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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