people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
