We won't sleep together?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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