I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize