he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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