She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
