Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
