I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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