theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize