Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
