She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
