Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
