it was like eating out sand paper
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
