Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
