Can i not drive my cunt home
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The power of my boobs compel you
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
