I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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