it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
