It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
