This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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