I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
