we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
