I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
