Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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